what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
porn star boner night. come get it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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