i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
