I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
