I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
