mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
