I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
