she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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