I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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