You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
