apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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