I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The air taste purple.
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