My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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