I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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