our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dear god my vagina.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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