I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
