we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
