I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
