I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize