Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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