i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
