Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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