you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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