they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
