I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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