my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize