I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
