You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
