I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
