On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
