Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
