I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
