she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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