So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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