Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
