Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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