Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
