I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
