woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
