he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They took my balls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
