i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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