Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
