Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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