theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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