upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
