That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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