Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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