You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
