He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
