The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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