I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
