So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
