you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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