i just made my gag reflex go away.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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