Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
