A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
