Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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