I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
