did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
