Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
