I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
