wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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