it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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