No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
