Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
