well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
