If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have fence marks all over my body
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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