Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
