I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
