upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
