All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
